Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Difficulty to talk with human


I've remember sitting on a grammar class at high school when the teacher pointed at my shirt. It had the title: "puritanical euphoric misanthropia". He was asking if I know the meaning of it - I said no. And in fact I really wasn't a huge fan of people that time. For me appreciation came with the discovery of how interesting each individual person is - and how much we can learn from each other.
Generally we all look for answers. I've wrote not long ago about seeking the truth. And in that sense people are the source of answers, it's purely a statistical fact. But it's not that easy. People are not easy to crack sometimes. It's like love. You definitely need the chemical reaction. One caveat. The more experiences social actor you are the better you can access people. I've learned this skill in the last couple of years a lot. Not from books, ain't nobody got time for that. Mostly on Drupal events and other meetups. I think they are much better than informal events - like parties. The latter is really the deep pool for experienced social persons. On meetup it's ok to be newbie, nobody will leave you just because you have hard time with words.

I guess I'd need a bit more time to think through what exactly I've learned. And also - I have my personal way of handling people, it shouldn't be taken granted. But I try to summarize it in a nutshell. First the very commonplace phrase - be interested. Nothing else gives you more credibility than interest. Fake it if you need to. It doesn't matter if you only got your interest during the talk, just make sure you seek it.

Keep the etiquette of conversations. That sounds a lame advice but you never know, you should be patient and take proper attention. During human communication you construct your speak on the fly. You prepare your talk couple of seconds in advance - maximum. And the decision tree is partially in your hand. Give a positive appearance - smile, wide eyes, or a nod. That feedback will make the speaker decide to add some extra to the conversation - which without any question consumes more mental energy. So basically you have work for gathering the information.

Find the topic that fits the person. Of course we are - just like our style is different. Some people likes technology, some other business (eww, meh). Some likes experiences, some likes facts. Some like to pet their ego. You know, why not. If you can find their style it's much more likely that you can have a content-full conversation with them. In general I don't care about how good or bad somebody - when the conversation can be interesting.

That's the three essential I noticed to be important. The fourth one is quite tough: be smart. In order to get the information you have to provide. And you have be creative by adding something to the talk - and to the person. I don't know how many of you have the problem as I have - sometimes my brain turns off. And I just cannot think of any smart.

And then we came to the main issue: the untouchables. I always end up at talking with somebody who vividly presents the signs of total boredom and neutralism and the lack of any interest. I tried a lot of things. Being positive, being active, being on their side, helping them, challenging them. I guess after some attempt I just make it worse by trying.

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If you have any feedback, please don't keep it for yourself. Tell us how would you crack the shell and let the talk flowing?

Peter

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